


happiness is a privilege

by Anonymous



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Best Friends Huening Kai & Kang Taehyun, Emotional Hurt, Huening Kai isn't doing very well, I'm Sorry, Implied Childhood Sexual Abuse, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Panic Attacks, Platonic Relationships, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, i hate the reason that i wrote this, kind of, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-01-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 14:14:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,676
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28546947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: trigger warning!! read the tagskai is quite literally mid ending his life when he has the sudden urge to call his best friend, taehyun. he didn't regret it.
Relationships: Huening Kai/Kang Taehyun
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10
Collections: Anonymous





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> trigger warning!! read the tags 
> 
> i have pstd so this is somewhat based on what i've experienced however it's more. i wrote this to get my feelings out, do what you want with it.

_"i can't. i can't. i can't. i can't. i can't. i can't. i can't. i can't fucking do this anymore,"_ Kai sobbed, his hot tears falling fast onto the small rug in front of his bathroom sink. blood dripped from his sliced wrists and sank into the rug, mixing with the tears. 

_'this is is,'_ he thought. he couldn't fucking handle it anymore - the constant reminder of what happened, nobody loved him, he was a waste if oxygen, the voices wouldn't stop. the flashbacks to it; to everything, they wouldn't stop. 

so why did he find himself desperately calling his best friend? that he didn't know, but all of his thoughts blanked when he heard the ' _click_ ' that taehyun had answered the call.

"kai, are you okay? is something wrong? you usually don't call me at a time like this - not that it's a problem, i'd stay up 'til the end of time if it meant you'd be okay." 

"t-taehyunie.." he mumbled, trying his best not to sound like he had been sobbing his brains out less than a minute ago.

spoiler alert: it didn't work.

"oh my god, what's wrong‽" the older asked. kai's tone had quite literally jolted him awake. he was fully alert now.

kai still tried to keep his composure though, "th-they- they won't stop," his voice cracking mid sentence.

"what won't stop?" the older asked frantically. he was worried, so worried, for kai - his best friend.

"th-the voices, the flashbacks, the nightmares. i can't fucking escape them!" he was sobbing again now, but even harder this time. 

taehyun didn't know what to do, i mean, not many people would. he didn't know what the younger was talking about, he'd never mentioned anything about voices or flashbacks to him. but looking back on it, it almost made sense.

all of those times kai suddenly had to leave. all if those times he changed the subject whenever they were talking about something heavy. all of those unexplained panic attacks he had helped him through. it all made sense now, and he hates himself for not knowing sooner.

taehyun, surprisingly, managed to calm kai down enough. or at least enough so that he could come over. 

he didn't bother knocking on the door, he already knew it's be unlocked. he knew his way around kai's house - shared with his parents and sisters - but they had all gone on a trip together that he unfortunately couldn't go on due to exams. 

"which room are you in?" taehyun asked, still over the phone. they'd stayed on a call the entire time, taehyun was scared that if he hung up the younger would do something before he got there.

"th-the bathroom.." he answered quietly.

"which one? the one by your bedroom" 

"y-yeah."

out of all the scenes taehyun imagined kai to be in at the current moment, nothing even compared to what he walked into when he opened that door. it was _absolutely_ heartbreaking.

"oh my god..." 

he called an ambulance right then and there.

_he never knew true fear until that moment._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning!! read the tags
> 
> less gorey but goes somewhat into detail of what happened to huening kai.

the second taehyun arrived at the hospital, he sent a message in the group chat they all were in telling them to coming to the hospital.

**tyunie:** come to the hospital, kai did something 

**simp:** what'd he do? how'd he end up in the hospital

**tyunie:** i think it'd be better if i tell you at the hospital all at the same time

**bunny 🐰:** ill be there right away 

soon enough, the three other boys arrived at the hospital. they were all clearly tired, i mean they were woken up at 4:03am and were told one if their best friends was in the hospital with no reason why, and were met with a taehyun who very clearly had just got done crying. they were all nervous. their worry only grew when they noticed just how much blood had ended up on taehyun, and it wasn't his own blood.

"so... what happened?" soobin asked cautiously. he looked scared. so scared.

"kai, he.." he didn't know how to say it properly. it hurt. so, _so_ much. he sighed, "are you sure you want to hear this, it's- it's a lot."

the three stayed quiet for a few seconds before yeonjun nodded, which was quickly followed by soobin, then beomgyu.

taehyun sighed again.

"he-he.." he just needed to say it, they needed to know. "kai tried to kill himself." terrible silence was all that followed.

taehyun sighed again. "he called me at 3 something am saying how the voices in his heard wouldn't stop, how the flashbacks wouldn't stop, how he kept getting nightmares. _i didn't know-_ " taehyun stopped when his voice cracked. he need for a few seconds to calm himself. he was done crying, he didn't want to start again. "i didn't know he hurt himself when i got to his house. i found him on the bathroom floor with cuts all over his arms and blood everywhere. i- it was so scary. i called the ambulance as soon as i saw him and they told me to try to stop the bleeding, and i did, but it was just.. it hurt so much. i can't even imagine what he's been going through."

the hurt was heavy in the air. oh, so heavy. soobin, yeonjun, and beomgyu were completely frozen.

nobody expected the sweet and seemingly always happy kai kamal huening to be someone to do such a thing. _it's always the ones who smile the brightest who are hiding the most pain._

the painful silence was finally cut off when the nurse came in the room to report how the youngest was doing.

"he's doing well, he's going to make it," that made them all sigh in relief. "you're very lucky you called when you did, he would've died of blood loss if you wait much longer. they sewed up his arms but there's going to be permanent scarring and he'll be needing counseling. you can see him now but he's still asleep. don't wake him up." and with that, she left.

they all quickly rushed to go see him, they longed to see that he was okay, at least physically. yeonjun pushed open the door and was the first by his side. 

huening kai's arms were in full casts- almost as if his arms were broken, although they were not. the bags under his eyes from lack of sleep were prominent, nobody noticed because he always wore makeup. they had cleaned all if the blood off of him luckily. he looked almost at peace.

soobin was the first to break down, to which was quickly followed by beomgyu. yeonjun was still analysing kai, the realization hasn't quite hit him get. 

_that day was not a good day._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> srry for the lazy text names i felt v uncreative


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> kai finally tells them what happened. he heals, at least somewhat.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not fully accurate, i'm aware. i tried.

it took years and years of work, but kai finally got fully back up on his feet. his friends would still constantly check on him, but that was okay. he understood why and he was grateful for it, even if it got annoying at times.

he was so, so thankful to have taehyun as someone in his life. _i mean he saved his fucking life_ , he owed the world to him. taehyun saw something nobody else ever should've had to see - he shouldn't have seen, yet he still fought for huening kai. 

god, taehyun was - he was everything to kai. ' _knowing you are okay and well is a million times for valuable than any money anyone could ever give me_ ,' he'd sometimes say. it made him feel wanted, it made him feel loved. 

he finally felt like he was worth it.

and sure he'd still get nightmares, flashbacks, etc. but he was going to therapy now, to try to help heal him. 

much to huening kai's discontent, he had to tell his friends his triggers. he knew it would help in the long run, but it was just so - _so_ scary to do. they didn't even know he had trauma until the incident.

he decided to just round everyone up at once and tell them all like that. he decided it would be best if he told them what happened so they coul understand. he knew it'd cause him to relive it, and he wasn't excited about it, but it was going to help in the long run.

"so um... my therapist said it'd be the best if i told you all my triggers and such - which i will do, but i decided it'll probably be the most beneficial if i just say what happened, too. i'm not gonna go into detail or anything, don't worry. i just.. yeah." he explained to the four people in front of him.

"are you sure?" beomgyu asked, cautiously.

kai sighed. "yeah, i think it'll help in the long run." 

"alright. but you can stop if you need to, alright?" soobin told him. he knew that, but he was thankful. he nodded as a reply.

"so basically when i was- when i was eight, my step uncle um.. he- he," he paused for a second, trying to find the words. he couldn't. "you.. can probably guess what happened. he- he did bad things to me that no child- nobody at all actually, but especially not a child, should go through. he's in jail now and my aunt divorced him obviously, don't worry. but just.. yeah." he ended, trying his best not to break down. it was honestly a miracle he hadn't had a panic attack yet.

"i-is that it?" beomgyu asked after he finished. he sighed.

"no." which caused the others to all visibly shutter. "but that's the worst of it. got severely bullied in elementary school - hence why i moved here so suddenly in sixth grade, had an eating disorder once. mental health sucks." 

they didn't know how he was so calm about saying all that, and quite frankly, he didn't either. they were just happy to know kai finally had gotten everything off his chest. 

_happiness is a privilege, and kai kamal huening finally, finally achieved it._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked it, even if it was pretty dark. <3


End file.
